For the Morning You Have Four Minutes and No Patience

Four lines you can say out loud tonight. Word for word. Free to save.

What to say

1. We have four minutes before the car leaves, so this is a fast brush, not a perfect one.

2. Hurrying you is not fair, and I am going to hurry you anyway.

3. Ninety seconds, the front teeth and the ones you chew with, then the brush in the cup.

4. You get the last thirty seconds to do it yourself, and I wait by the door with my keys.

When to use it

This is for the moment it actually goes wrong — not the calm version you rehearse in the car. Pick one line. Say it once. Then stop talking and wait three seconds. If they push back, repeat the same line, not a new one. Say the same thing for five nights before you decide it doesn't work.