For the Child Who Climbs Into Your Bed at Two in the Morning

Four lines you can say out loud tonight. Word for word. Free to save.

What to say

1. You sleep in your bed. If you wake up, you come to my door and I walk you back.

2. My bed is warm at two in the morning and yours is not. That is the whole reason.

3. There’s a blanket folded at the foot of your bed, and I put it over you when I walk you back.

4. If you are sick or scared, you get in with me. Any other night, I walk you back.

When to use it

This is for the moment it actually goes wrong — not the calm version you rehearse in the car. Pick one line. Say it once. Then stop talking and wait three seconds. If they push back, repeat the same line, not a new one. Say the same thing for five nights before you decide it doesn't work.